Every year, I ask for something for my birthday that really only God could give me. Sunshine ranks 9.87 times out of 10. This year, I am asking for enormous things. This year, I want two things. First, I want a new job or some huge positive steps toward a career that actually fits the things I have learned about myself in the last two years. Things like: I love being part of a team. Conversely, I really hate working an 8 hour day alone. It's a long list...and most of it tells me that my current job (and most of the jobs that I am qualified for) is a poor fit.

For my second gift, I want to make some new friends who are passionate and honest people. I have a deep need to be known and encouraged but when I look at the friends that I have here in Portland, many of them are weighed down with their own surviving and I do not feel like there is room for me. I would love to help shoulder the weight of their day to day, but they are so busy doing it themselves that I feel like I am interrupting. I am tired of trying to fit into their lives. Other friends seem to be unwilling to be very open and that is hard for me because I do not have very much of a middle setting in myself. And I hate the feeling of sharing more than I will ever receive. No one is unkind or hurtful... but they are not really available either.

And I get it. I am wired all funny where I feel really deeply about all sorts of things that the stereotypes don't include. I love talking to strangers about justice but I can't seem to make small talk with people in church. I love working with my hands because it gives me so much time to think. And I love to think, especially about people and what they are made of like which insecurities line the walls of the hope and good intentions that they try to build with. I prefer to just get conflict out in the open so we can go after healing and reconciliation with all that we have. I am terribly honest too. That makes things hard. Moreover, I do not apologize for telling the truth. In fact, I am learning that I have been apologizing for all of the wrong things all of my life. And people seem to resent it when I stop. But I do try my best to apologize when I am wrong.

Anyway, this birthday I want some people and a cause to pour my love and loyalty and gifts into. And sunshine.

Belated.

I had a very wonderful birthday. It wasn't my first choice of events. My birthday often gets overlooked because February always ends sooner than people expect and the first week of March comes in seemingly unannounced. Also, I have hitherto spent my life in the rat race that is education with the full knowledge that March is about one thing: surviving until spring break. This year was extra set against birthday festivities in that I couldn't receive calls because my phone was broken and I had an evening class that day. I really didn't have the time to celebrate my birthday.

All the same. I felt loved. It was the little things, the roommate breakfast and egg curry. The boyfriend flowers and necklace. Texts from my family and attempted phone calls from Dallas and other places. A few belated wishes because, hey, we all have days and weeks and, well, years where we forget. It'll be my turn next if I haven't done so already.

Anyway, this post is really about the cake I made and kind of pieced together between classes. Keep in mind that I'm gluten free so if I'm going to go to the trouble of making cake...it's going to be the best damn cake that's ever been made...or close to it. Photographing it was an interesting challenge and lighting sparklers as my candle on my piece turned out to be less tasty than I anticipated (though just as awesome). Unfortunately there are no photos of the sparkler going that I care to put up because it's my birthday and if I don't want to put up pictures of me in my sweats with my hair not brushed staring in excitement and just a little terror at my firework cake, well no one can make me. :) That said, here are my belated photos including a very bad one of my flowers(...but what can I say? I really love flowers. All of them.):