It's only recently that I've been learning with any skill the balancing act of empathizing with people without losing myself in them. To feel what they feel but to still feel my own emotions too. To do this without apology for what I feel or anger for being swept up (sometimes forcefully) in what someone else is feeling.

No one "makes me" feel anything. But often my habit of empathy creates the expectation of empathy. Friends and coworkers sometimes seek me out to make themselves feel understood even if I can't do anything else for them. Sometimes this isn't good for me. Sometimes I've been feeling too much for too long. Sometimes I lose myself and I forget that their depression, anger, resentment, frustration, and loneliness is not mine, is not me. Sometimes I've been feeling enough of my own negative emotions and I don't have the bandwidth for more.

I feel guilty when I reach the end of what I can give. And sometimes I feel angry when I feel used for my empathy. But I'm learning to sail these seas without taking them all into my boat. And I think that's the most accurate metaphor I know. Some days, I sail the seas. Other days, I fill my boat with ocean water. But knowing the difference, feeling the difference, upholding the difference--all of these things are good steps to be making.