Airplanes & My Dentist

...I was definitely in the process of writing out this long post that I was not sure if I was going to post or not because it was starting to sound...gross. Not like gory or dirty. But gross in the sense that it was a list of complaints I had about life. I was itchy. I had lost my contentment and I was somewhere between giving up and into complacency ...and rebelling against all of my current confines.

Then school got out. Spring break started. I went to the dentist. And my dentist gave me a book. A children's book. Someday I will spend some introspective time on my love for stories and how I believe that children *need* quality stories, obvious myths and challenging legends, to grow up on; but today, just know that I love stories...good stories, real stories all messy and occasionally triumphant.

I am now the proud owner of Violet the Pilot. I was grinning so big that I know I looked like a fool with half my mouth numb from the Novocaine; but I couldn't care in that moment. I am, however, impressed that Dr. Bennett managed not to laugh at me. Instead, she just told me that she believed in supporting strong women with dreams and that the book was her daughter's favorite. I do not have a clue why she gave it to me. We had talked about it while she was drilling on me, but still...she didn't have to do that. And she could not have known what it would have meant to me.

All I want to do is fly...so I joke about leaving everything to go do it and most of the time, I am joking. And then there are times when I do not understand why things must fall in the order that I have agreed to and anything short of leaving to go enroll in flight school is either cowardice or a fool's hope. It is this fire that burns at me and I wonder if it is ok to want something this badly. Then it starts feeling really far away and I realize that I have thrown in my lot with God and airplanes...I do not really have anything outside of that in regards to direction. It becomes a strange matter of fear and trust and one step at a time with the immediate potential to overwhelm me.

Now, the Novocaine is gone and I am so sore...too sore to smile as large as I would like. But I am happy and I know that I am known and loved in a way that I could never deserve to be...in a way that I would not even know how to ask for. I do not know how life will work out this week or tomorrow much less those after should they come, but I hope I can be the person my dentist seems to think I am.