I will never be a mermaid.

I am learning the full circle of stress--
learning it with all of its particles.
This is much more than a "beginning, middle, and end."
We are not talking about literary rising action
or falling action.
Though it has all of that.
I mean the living
--and the breathing--
bits of stress and anxiety.
It is like looking at yourself
in a mirror
underwater.
You are not allowed up until
you learn something,
but you never wanted to look
in the first place.

And so I learn the full circle of stress--
emotional CPR
and eye drops for chlorinated vision.
I learn the headaches
I receive just after the dreams start.
I learn not to ignore the dreams
if I expect to greet my life the next day.
I learn that the dreams aren't reality,
but they are a sort of mirror
for those who can bear to look.

But I have yet to learn
how to breathe underwater
and I am afraid
by how slowly I learn.