Back to the old paradox.

This was the first fall that I have remembered. That is, this was my first fall that did not include going back to school since I was four. Now I drive to work through the farms and the shop almost always has a wall open to the outside. I have felt every stage of summer leaving, autumn coming and now going to welcome winter. I never noticed how long fall could be. I never remember anticipating Christmas for more than the two weeks between finals and Christmas day.

I like this pace of life. I like how much room for celebration there is. Celebration. That is important. I can find a lot of sources of discouragement these days. But I can also find a lot of reasons to celebrate. It seems to be my only defense and the only way I have found to encourage myself when my encouragers are... otherwise occupied (if they are indeed on their way).

Anyway, this is the first day in a long time that I have felt like myself. It is also the longest amount of time I have spent alone precipitated by a rather lonely week but punctuated by a long day with the very absent boyfriend. I think things are working their way into a balance. Time with people who pour into you: check. Time with...yourself: check. Time for art: so much checking even though I have nothing to show for my efforts (yet). I do not think it is possible for a body to hold any more contentment wrapped in and woven in with so much discontentment.