After getting rejected from a job that I seriously thought was the one, I find that I have two choices. 1. I can get into the kitchen and binge on cooking and baking. 2. I can stop eating until morale improves. Both seem equally tempting today. I wish I had roommates to cook for. I am not taking this very well and I know that. But this was the first company to call me back. I had two interviews and I had even allowed myself to hope enough to buy work clothes arrange my schedule "just in case" I was suddenly employed. Losing this opportunity feels like HAI took this from me also. The grief is renewed today.

My mom thinks I have PTSD from HAI. I just laughed when she told me. Both because it's ridiculous and because it took her way too long to figure it out. It was an abusive job.

I'm scared of being employed again. Who would want to go back to the abuse? I'm scared of not being employed again. I want something meaningful to do with my life.

I find myself always looking for a prophet. I cling overly much to people with that spiritual gift. I keep hoping God will send down some fragment of his plan, some word of encouragement.  But their messages are never for me.