having not received the things i asked for
having learned that what i asked for would certainly have ruined me

it is difficult to know what it is that I should ask for now

a life without secret hopes and tumultuous, dangling dreams lacks purpose and direction

i have been stranded on a windless sea for a long time
the boat drifts
and i ask myself
if not there than where?

i had no other loves and no other ruling curiosities
without the things i asked for
i don't know who i am or where to go