My heart is heavy and my body is tired. Federal forces refuse to leave Portland. I'm not normally given to political conspiracies, but this unnerves me. The blatant lies by mainstream media (Fox News, I'm looking at you), the excessive force, the military flex by the President all make me feel like only bad things can follow. I think Portland could be occupied by federal forces and there is a surprisingly large number of family members who would believe the news channels saying that it is necessary to protect us from the anarchists over my own experience of living here.

I love my city. I choose to live here. I have learned so much from the people struggling to build a better Portland over the history of white supremacy, hate, and mistrust that have for so long been the underpinnings. This is the city where I met and image of God that I could relate to. Where my conservative family sees a godless and lawless place, I see a stream in the desert. Prosperity doesn't puff up and insulate churches here. Pastors have to preach knowing that the eyes of the oppressed, the poor, the widow, and the orphan are on them at all times.

I don't know what I'm trying to say this morning. I guess, just that I love this city and I fear for this city. I'm praying about my role in the coming days because I have a deep sense of dread and a need to do something to support the flame of justice. I want to be a peacemaker, a bridge builder. But false prophets come claiming peace where there is no peace, and act as though peace is a fabric you can drape over conflict instead of a structure you build from the ground up.