my cardboard heart

Here it is. The missing piece. Two weeks longer than I would have liked ... still unattached and very much not part of the whole, but here.

It is amazing how busy being unemployed can keep you, running around in the vague hope of selling yourself to a prospective employer. And it definitely drains you artistically. There are more responsible things to do... homework. job apps. people. bookstores. class. sleep. march on. It's been good, remarkably good actually. And yet, I feel as though I have forgotten to breathe. The complexities of being human overwhelm me sometimes, and that is ironic considering the art pieces that currently occupy my time. Isn't that the way of it though?

Here we are, my cardboard heart and I...flipping through job ads, just trying to figure out what it means to be a woman at a most basic level without all of the commentary of society and custom. It is one of those in between days on the way to something that will only be recognizable once I am past it. And that is more than fine by me. Today, I had dinner with two of my favorite people. It was simple and tasty and I am full. Rent is paid to the end of the month.

It is funny how much life has been reduced ... I have no guarantees about anything but the goodness of God. It is terrifying and a bit like the longest free fall you can imagine. And after a few months of grimacing and trying to guess at the end, I am learning to rest in it...my cardboard heart and I.