my heart

I think... it may be done. It's full of hardware and could use a little fine tuning (the clocks kind of need it...), but I like it and finally feel released. Which is good. I like being released. In the moments following I feel most myself and least crazy.

So here it is. My heart. Against a back drop of hardware, clocks, receipts and questions.

All things taken into account, it really is a pretty good biographical piece for where I am, have been at for a while. The two questions beside the largest heart read, "Is this proof of humanity?" and "What is this for?"

The clocks and the receipts are ... stressors I guess.

Or distractions.

The hardware continues the theme of trying to feel whatever it is a human should feel and how much a human should feel. Dispelling with the machinery. Coming alive.

Alongside of the largest heart are written accusations:

Inefficient.

Impractical.

Messy.

Lustful.

Impatient.

Insecure.

Greedy.

Deceitful.

Indecisive.

Insatiable.

Unfaithful.

Broken..

The spirals that can be found coming off the largest heart are indeed veins and arteries. I'm playing with the dichotomy of connectedness and disconnection.

There are three hearts on display here...partially because I like odd numbers and partially because it is hard to describe the heart. There's a photocopy of textbook. There's the bloody mess that takes up the majority of one's attention. And then there's the the colorful little one in the corner. I think that's what I'm aiming for. Maybe. A full color reality. Small. Simple. But still beating and feeling. Working and loving the way humanity was meant to.

And if anyone has any suggestions for my sad clocks, I am more than eager to hear them!